I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
