Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
