I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize