how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
