Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize