Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
