dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
