I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
