please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
