I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
