I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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