In the future we'll all be gay
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I touched a dick in church today
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
