i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
