Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
