He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
