So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
