i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize