You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
