imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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