Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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