How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
