I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
