we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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