I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
