Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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