Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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