hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
