Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
