So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
