He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You smell like stripper and shame
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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