OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
