dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry about my life...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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