the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
