You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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