Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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