Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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