stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
