I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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