i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
