I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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