Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
