the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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