So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
