I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
