Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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