I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
