Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
