dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
