It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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