so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
