I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
