I'm going to jail i love you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
