Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This house was built for laser tag.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
not ubering you a puppy
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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