i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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