I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
