All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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