There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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