why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I supernannyed him into submission
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
