good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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