yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
