A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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