Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
