My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
