she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
